Many experts suggest that one of the most frequent causes of high anxiety is unhealthy expectations. Setting self-expectations too high can cause you to be unable to cope when you don’t or can’t meet your goals. But just as dangerous is setting expectations as intangibles. Like an emotion. Doing things just to be happy can be very frustrating on its own. Emotions can be elusive and fickle things that don’t always show up when and how you want them to. They don’t make good goals. Set goals as tangible things and the emotions that come with reaching or failing to reach them are there to motivate us.
Setting high self-expectations can cause a state of constant anxiety and also retard our ability to cope with failure since we never are pleased with our own accomplishments.
Setting Healthy Expectations
First of all we must be careful to expect to be stressed and worried when striving and working toward our goals. We should plan for it. Keep our bedtimes and set aside time to rest. Use smart coping mechanisms like making lists and setting small goals in order to meet the larger ones. Allow yourself to be pleased and happy when you reach the milestones along the way. If you never exceed your expectations then it’s a good sign you have set them too high. On the other hand if you always completely meet your expectations then you may be underachieving and need to raise the bar a bit.
Here is a good practice my pastor once shared with me:
- Make a shortlist of performance goals you have for yourself concerning work or school or your bible study.
- Place a star by the one most important to you.
- Circle the one you think is most important to your parents, employers, or spouse.
- Put a cross by the one that you think is most important to God.
Now take a look and see if they match? Are all three symbols on the same goals? If they are not then you have just identified a source of stress and friction. It might be time to re-evaluate and try to re-align your priorities. Another question to ask is where is moral excellence on your list? It is a good idea to prioritize moral goals above financial or scholarly ones.
We should reserve our highest praise toward ourselves and others for kind selfless acts.
“You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”(Mt 22:37–40)
